Editing Activity

~Make a list of 7 specific things that are done in the papers that you think make them an A paper.

Definitions-

1. The role of women definition had a very detailed definition.
2. The definition paper about solitary confinement being torture used a lot of examples of other types of torture for pathos.
3. The Wikileaks essay posed their opinion as a question which makes a good setup for logos.
4. The torture paper used quotes from actual inmates which helped ethos.
5. The women definition made very specific appeals to the audience (like the Disney princess reference).
6. The essay on the roles of women was placed in the correct context ("Yet a woman today struggles to maintain balance between the various ‘requirements’ of womanhood ").
7. The freedom and wikileaks paper used the OED definition at a place that flowed in the paper.

~Afterwards, list 5 specific things you think you need to integrate into you paper.

1.  I definitely need to work on the flow of my paragraphs.
2. Another thing to improve would be the organization of my topics, and making all of them connect to my main point.
3. I need to use better transitions and introduction techniques for my various examples.
4. I should describe examples more completely to help back up my claims.
5. I also need to work on my phrasing and wording of my argument.

Topic Proposal

I am evaluating Michael Jackson as a good influence on pop culture because     -he revolutionized the dance world with his own unique style
     -he made music videos popular
     -he was dedicated to peace and equality efforts

Sources-

Aoun, Steven. "Michael Jackson: The Man in the Mirror." Metro (Melbourne, Vic: 1974).162 (2009): 167-71. Print.

      This article has good background information on Michael Jackson's home life and social influences. It shows positive and negative aspects of the performer's personality.

Erica Brown, and Maryam Abdul-Aleem. "The Life that was Michael Jackson." New York Amsterdam News, sec. 100: S4. Print. 2009.

      This newspaper article has a lot of good background information on Jackson and his career. It also discusses some of his influences on the world.

Michael Jackson: The Official Michael Jackson Site. Sony Music Entertainment. 2011. Web. 1 August 2011.

     This is Jackson's official website. It has a lot of useful information including complete lists of his awards and achievements, and a timeline of his career.

Lady Gaga Post

Read the piece on Lady Gaga on Angel. In addition, look around the Gaga Stigmata blog beginning with the post on her video Born this Way. What sort of arguments do they make about Lady Gaga? What evidence do they use? Note a few rhetorical tactics that are used that are particularly effective in this kind of cultural commentary.

 The piece on Angel by Camille Paglia used many rhetorical tactics. One was establishing ethos by drawing the reader in by listing Gaga's accomplishments at the beginning. She also showed pathos by making examples from lyrics of Lady Gaga's songs in her own opinions. Paglia then proceeded to give her strong negative opinion on Gaga's persona and unoriginality by comparing her to other artists that inspire her. She makes it sound like Lady Gaga is just a figurehead for her music, and that she doesn't have a lot of say in what she actually wears and does. Paglia believes that Lady Gaga's music and style are the end of sex in the music industry because of how she dresses and the content of her music videos.

The "Gaga Stigma" blog piece analyzes Lady Gaga's latest hit music video "Born This Way." The author, Samantha Cohen, referenced other writers like Lewis Hyde who wrote Trickster Makes The World. Cohen also defined the word "trickster"so the readers could follow her interpretation of "Born This Way." She also uses anecdotes like the Chinese symbols of the Monkey and the Lion to describe her opinion. Cohen wasn't trying to defend Lady Gaga's work, but she did by describing what she thought her purpose was in the production of the video.

Cultural Interest Posts

Think of three cultural objects of interest. Freewrite about why you think it is good of bad (or the epitome of mediocrity). What does it mean to you? Why are you interested in it? What are people saying about it. How have people reacted to it. Where has it been taken up and used or repeated? Where has it made the most impact? How and why?

Friday, June 29th

Lady Gaga is a fantastic addition to the music industry. Her repetitive yet sometimes eerie sounding songs can be heard on any top 40 radio station for a reason. Her musicality and controversial dress has also helped to make her one of the most well known mainstream artists of the 21st century. Lady Gaga's rise to fame started in 2008 with the release of her single "Just Dance," from her album The Fame. Gaga's music videos have been wildly popular and changed what we now look for in other music videos. She encourages her fans, fondly referred to as "Little Monsters," to be themselves and celebrate their differences by. I think overall she sends out a positive message through her music and attire. People say all sorts of bad things about her because they don't understand what she is trying to do. I think the best thing about Lady Gaga is the fact that she starts conversations. She is very infused with pop culture, and is talked about by people from all walks of life. Her style and songs have been remade by many others in the entertainment industry.

Saturday, June 30th

Easy A is a funny, truthful movie about rumors and reputations in high school that was released in September of 2010. Emma Stone's stellar performance along with the other lead actors made the message of the movie come across very clearly. The message of the movie is that it is easy to get a bad reputation, and much harder to gain it back. It also shows what really happens when people spread rumors about others. Along with it being an entertaining movie, it brings to light an important issue in our modern culture. Spreading rumors is very real, not just in high school, and movies like Easy A highlight the issue.The movie got pretty good reviews, and everyone that I talked to about it really enjoyed it. I thought it was very smart and witty with a good plot.


Sunday, June 31st

Country music in general is underrated. Mainstream pop culture puts down country because it does not take as many risks as other genres of music. The truth is, country music is just more real than most other genres. Its simplicity makes it more relatable. Country is a good thing because it shows the real and original American way of life. I have nothing against pop and rap music. I like Katy Perry and Wiz Khalifa as much as the next teenager, but there is something to be said about a musician who can perform with just a guitar and a microphone. People get too caught up in the special effects surrounding a performance, and forget about the music sometimes. Country is still very relevant to pop culture, even though it is less respected.

Peer Review for Narrative

This peer review (like all the others) was helpful. Chelsea pointed out the weaker points of my story, and helped me with where I needed to expand. She pointed out the weaker parts of my descriptions, and helped me to find better ways to get my point across. Reading her paper made me realize that I needed to go over my own structure and word choice.

Narrative Response 2

I stood by the microwave in anticipation as I watched the plate spin endlessly. Once the buzzer went off I ran to the microwave and ripped the door open. I wrapped it in a soft potato roll and took a huge bite as I started to make my perogies. The crunch of the breading combined with the softness of the roll made my mouth want to sing. My satisfaction ended curtly when i realized that there was no chicken or pattie left in my hand. Luckily for me, the perogies had just finished boiling, so I quickly drained the water and melted butter over the potatoes folded in pasta shells. I took them back to my room and turned on the TV. I flipped through the channels till I heard the familiar theme song of "That 70s Show". As I waited for my perogies to cool off I sipped my water and listened to my fan combined with the sound of rain outside. As soon as they were cool, the perogies were gone, and I concluded another dinner that made me want to go to the gym.

Narrative Reading Response

1) Write a bit about how these essays differ from the writing you are used to writing/reading. How do they use a different structure, tone, techniques, etc?

2) Take one of the essays and write a few sentences about the purpose and audience for the essay. What are they and how do you know? 

 

In this class so far, we have been mainly writing more formal sounding essays that are obviously meant to persuade the reader.  The narratives were still meant to persuade, but they did so in a less obvious way. Most essays that I have been reading and writing are not written in first person. They have had a more personal and open feeling to them than what is usually written for school. Narratives seem like more of a creative type of writing, because you use your own experiences. 

The purpose of the Kotaku narrative was to convince the readers that gamers are responsible for the amount of time they spend playing video games. The audience is most likely gamers, which is stereotypically males age 16 to mid twenties. They would probably be reading the blog expecting it to be a story about how video games ruined him and he was blaming it on the producers.

Sunday's Pain

Sunday June 24, 2011

      This morning I woke up to the smell of french toast dancing up the stairs from the kitchen. I drifted back to sleep until my mom came and started tapping on the door.

      “Girls, breakfast is almost gone”

      I mumbled, “ten more minutes mom, save me some”

      I slowly opened my eyes as the other girls leaped out of bed and darted out of the room. Some people are blessed with the ability to wake up and completely be ready for action. I am not one of those people. I need a good half an hour before my grumbles turn into decipherable English. My parents learned the hard way to not speak to me until my eyes are all the way open, and I am dressed for the day.

      This morning was just like any other. I decided to wait a few more seconds before I actually began to move. I flexed my toes first, then my feet and legs. I tried to turn over and the second I started to move my arms it started.

      It went all the way from my neck and shoulders down to my tailbone. Anyone who has ever worked out knows this feeling. I have worked out before, but this morning I was so sore that it hurt to breathe once I started moving. I sat up and tried to stretch out my arms, but stopped halfway and cringed in agony. I tried to slowly move my neck around as I listened to the clanks of silverware on plates the floor below me.

      I wouldn't say that I'm out of shape, but I definitely could work out my upper body more. Yesterday was the “Lumberjack Festival” at Black Moshannon State Park about a half hour from campus. Its main events include things like log cross cut, hatchet throw, and log roll. Every year I come I do almost every one of them, and this year was no different. I usually am not that tired after things like this. Maybe it is just a sign from God that I need to get a gym membership.

Saturday's Realization

 Saturday June 23, 2011

      I was walking through the woods this morning with my three neighbors, Shannon, Jamie, and Maura. A cool breeze pushed our hair in our faces as we trudged down the mossy green trail. The only sounds we could hear were our sneakers tromping on the trail. I stared at the back of Shannon's shoes, and concentrated hard on not falling over any limestone that dared to poke itself out of the ground. We started descending the hill towards the lake, and Shannon started talking about her family and how she disliked some of the pressures they unintentionally put on her. Her and Maura started comparing their friends and their families.

      I chimed in and said, “I don't really consider you my friend.”

      “Uhm, what?” Maura replied.

      “I don't think of you as my friend.”

      I really meant what I said, and I explained to them how they are somewhere in between friends and family. I have known my neighbors, Shannon, Jamie, and Maura since I was born. We were there for Shannon when her parents split up. We were there for Jamie when her parents were away or working (which was most of the time for a few years). We were there for Maura when she was getting picked on in elementary school, and they were all there for me when my mom's brain surgery did not go as expected.

      A lot of childhood friends grow apart when their lives begin to take separate paths, but the four of us have been blessed to stay close even though we are all in very different places in our lives. Maura is the youngest, and she will be starting her second year of high school this fall. She has always been the baby, and we all watch out for her like her own personal troop of sisters. Jamie was born twenty days before me and she is starting school pre-med at the University of Pittsburgh in Johnstown. It is definitely going to be an adjustment not being able to see them every day like I am used to. Shannon is a sophomore at Mansfield studying Environmental Science.

      Even though we are all living away from each other, nothing changes when we are together. I spent this weekend with them and although we are much older, we still have just as much fun doing the same things that we did when we were in elementary school. They are the first people I call when I had a bad day or heard some exciting news, and they will call me when they want to have a last- minute sleepover or a run to Dairy Queen.

      I have realized lately how incredibly lucky we all are to have each other. I know it sounds dorky and cliché, but I always wished that I had a sister. Don't get me wrong, I love my big brother, but I always wanted to have a girl to tell everything to who would love me regardless. I do have a sister, and not just one but three.

Friday's Rant

Friday June 23, 2011

      I learned some interesting news tonight. We (my neighbors) were sitting on the back porch of my family friend's lodge. My next door neighbor had a little to drink (and by a little I mean he was probably 5 beers in). We were talking about school and he kept asking me if I drank at school. I kept telling him that I really wasn't into that because I live off campus and I refuse to drink and drive. I also live with my parents so that would be a big no-no.

      I grew up in a very close-knit neighborhood, and apparently there has been some rumors about me going around. When I asked my neighbor's daughter Maura why he was grilling me about it she said, “Oh maybe he heard about what Nancy was telling my mom”.

      I automatically perked up and asked, “Wait, what did she say?”.

      Maura replied, “Apparently you're a big drinker and party-girl”.

      Now, this Nancy woman is a somewhat new resident in our neighborhood. She and her husband Darrel, moved from New York just a few years ago. They are an older middle-aged couple who are very involved with the pool and neighborhood counsel. Nancy is a retired elementary school teacher, so you would think that she would be above spreading rumors, but apparently not. She has told my next door neighbor and god knows who else that I'm a “partier”.

      Why should I even care? This women obviously has nothing better to do with her life than to gossip about things she has no idea about. The part that makes me the most angry about the situation is not what she said, but the fact that she had absolutely no reason to say that to my neighbor. I did not provoke her in any way. Like I said, I have always been very nice to her and her husband. I consider my next door neighbors my second set of parents, and I feel like she was trying to get me in trouble.       

     How awful is it that this 40+ year old women is pathetic enough to make up some rumors about my life. I have spoken to her probably four times for a total of twenty minutes. Obviously from those twenty-ish minutes she figured out that I was a crazy wild party animal. Anyone who knows me in my neighborhood knows that I am the farthest thing from that. Even if I was being obvious about drinking underage it is still absolutely none of her business! Hopefully she can grow up and worry about her own issues.

Definition Peer Review

Overall, I thought that the peer review we did in class was helpful when editing my paper. My partner helped me to reword some of my sentences that did not make sense before. He also helped me to strengthen what I was trying to say in my essay. One thing that would have been more helpful was if I got some input on the actual concepts in my paper. When we did the reviews as a group it really benefited me when I got more negative comments. It made me work harder to make a more solid paper. By reading someone else's paper I also got a better sense of how I could improve my paper. I know now that I have to work on my sentence structure, and hopefully I can fix it after class today.

"Vanity. Thy Name is Metrosexual" by Alexa Hackbarth

1) How does the author define Metrosexual? How does the author relate the term to a larger argument?

Hackbarth defines a metrosexual as "a man who seems stereotypically except when it comes to sexual orientation." She relates the term metrosexual to the larger conversation of how people in general have become less in touch with the real world, and more focused on materialistic things.

2) What is at stake in the definition of the term? How does the author make this clear?

When Hackbarth defines metrosexual, she is putting her reputation, and the reputation of those who define themselves as metrosexual at stake. She makes this clear by talking about her personal experiences and many generalizations about men who identify as metrosexual.

3) Note one other means of persuasion that you found particularly effective in the article. What about the audience does this means rely on.


Hackbarth drew from and utilized a lot of personal experiences and opinions from her own life in her essay. It appealed to the emotional (pathos) side of the audience.

Definition Essay

MTV and its programs are obscene.
obscenity..

• is anything that makes the viewer uncomfortable
• is also subjective to the viewer
• should be regulated more harshly
• is in music videos, tv show content, ( innuendos)

• is offensive
• can encourage racism
• is not intelligent

Peer Review Review...

Write ~250 words reflecting on the peer review. What was helpful about it and what was not. Did you get some good feedback? What did you apply to your paper (try to be specific). Do you feel like you have a better sense of what to look for when reading other and your own writing?

Overall the peer review was helpful. The most beneficial part for me was actually editing the two other papers. By reading what other people wrote, and how they wrote it, I got a better sense of what is and is not effective when writing a rebuttal. I liked being in a smaller group because I felt more comfortable talking and giving my input. Being in a smaller group also forced me to pay attention more. (not that I don't in class!) I got the majority of my feedback from Josh, which was okay, but I felt like my paper needed a lot of work, and getting more peer input would have been beneficial. I tried to apply most of the comments that I received to my paper, mostly the reorganization and wording of my sentences. I moved a lot around in hopes that my argument would be more relevant and concise. I also worked on backing up my counterarguments, and even eliminated some statements that I could not back up with facts. After the peer review (besides really having to pee), I felt like I had a better grip on how to rework my paper. It also exemplified to me how real writing is never finished, because I can always do better on some aspect.

Rebuttal Topic

The Drinking Age of 21 Saves Lives - By Toben F. Nelson, Traci L. Toomey, and co-authors Ch 27 Pages 556-7

Nanotechnology... What?

• What is the main point of contention between Drexler and Smalley?

The main point of disagreement is that Drexler believes and supports that nanobots can create more nanobots, where as Smalley disagrees and thinks that nanobots cannot self replicate because of having "fat" or "sticky fingers."

• What is at stake in their argument?

Both of them are interested in their own reputations, as well as the reputation of nanotechnology itself in the scientific world.

• Name a few strategies they use to refute the other side. 

 Both Smalley and Drexler attack each other's facts and credibility. They also use ideas from other texts that they (and others) would deem credible along with name dropping others who agree with their ideas.

• How does both Smalley and Drexler develop their ethos (provide an example)

Smalley established ethos by stating that he respected his opponent when he wrote "I believe the Foresight Institute you founded with Christine Peterson has made, and continues to make, very positive contributions to the advancement of technology on the nanometer scale. You have my respect and thanks." Drexler created credibility by stating that he wanted their debate to "result in broader discussion within the community, and in better understanding of molecular manufacturing as a strategic objective." Basically, he said that he wanted to be part of the larger conversation that was taking place in the scientific community.

• Point to at least one logical fallacy used on both sides and explain why it is fallacy (see GRs pg 17-19)

One fallacy that I found in Smalley's letters was the fact that he did not go as deep into the exact chemistry of his argument the way that Drexler did. Smalley made some hasty generalizations in his writing that he could not support because of his lack of detailed evidence. I could not find any fallacies in Drexler's letters.

• Which side to do you think was more convincing and why?

Drexler's argument was more convincing because of the depth of this understanding of the subject. He also countered just about every claim that Smalley made against his theories. It was also more convincing because of the fact that I could not find any logical fallacies in his letters.

Practicing Rhetorical Analysis (Jackson on Barbara Jordan)

I choose to do my rhetorical analysis on the essay Appearances, by Carmen Vazquez.

Prompt-  Read carefully the article in GRs pg 66-69 followed the rhetorical analysis of it on page 70-73. In a blog post list 3 points that Jackson makes about the context of the article and 3 points he makes about the the text itself (textual analysis).

Finally, add one more textual and one more contextual observation about Barbara Jordan's speech that Jackson does not address.

Jackson's Three Points on Context 

- Jackson commented on how Jordan was not only giving this speech to the 34 other House of Representatives members, but that she was giving it to the American public as well knowing that her speech would be televised and widely viewed.

- Jordan also had to establish herself as an unbiased rhetor, because she was Democratic, whereas Nixon and those being accused were Republican.

- Finally, Jackson brought to light how Barbara Jordan's cultural background affected how she viewed the Constitution.

Jackson's Three Points on Text

-Jackson told about how Jordan established pathos by stating her emotional belief of how the Constitution now "is whole". This appealed to emotions because of how she was African American, and therefore was not included in the Constitution at first.

- Jordan established credibility by saying that the Constitution lets her (and all of us) be the judge of what is "impeachable".

- She also used quotes from many respected dignitaries like James Madison and Justice Story to appeal to the audiences need for ethos.

One of Context

- Jordan knew that she was setting the tone for a national debate, and gave convincing evidence to persuade without coming right out and saying that Nixon was guilty and should be impeached.

One of Text

- Jordan arranged her ideas in a way that made sense to the audience, which led to the optimal level of persuasion in her speech.

Introductory Post

Prompt- write 100-200 words about your experiences with writing in the past. How do you feel about your own writing? What have you done in writing classes in the past? What would you like to work on in this class?

I have always been comfortable with my writing. Ever since middle school my teachers have given good feedback and good grades for it. However, I have always written for my teachers, and I have developed my style according to what I think they want to hear. I have never really written without it being assigned, and this summer I hope to develop the skills and drive to write for the sake of writing. In this class I also hope to create my own personal writing style and to learn to write in a more persuasive and convincing manner than I had to in high school. Additionally, I want to have a stronger and clearer purpose in my writing, as I know it will come in handy for these next four years.